To random people I’ve silently judged. Not that I’m like, eaten up with judgment or obsessive or anything (much). I just sometimes send these things in a mass email to people who know the real me (and will still laugh at my jokes). Side note: I am snarky, silly, weird, and absurd. Mostly on the inside, but you know, that’s how I roll. These people requested that I make my letters public. I apologize in advance. Or something. Enjoy!
Dear Petite Lady in Jogging Suit,
I saw you judging me (yeah, those dark glasses don’t hide everything, do they?), but I still gave you a real smile in case it was just a bad day. Making eye contact and then frowning? Not cool. Plus, it’ll give you even more wrinkles. Ta!
Dear Guy Clipping His Fingernails on the Bus,
Oh hey. I understand your commitment to personal hygiene, I really do. You're a handsome dude, and you want to take care of yourself. PUT. DOWN. THE NAIL CLIPPERS. That stuff is just not acceptable in a public setting. Ever. Yeah, that's right. Pull out your sci-fi novel and keep your dead skin cells to yourself.
You know you are a nerd when…you figure out a way to download a book to your crackberry and then read so intently that you miss your Metro stop. And have to circle back. Try to pay attention. Also? You already have too many books. And you don’t have any room to judge the tourists when you’re freaking missing your stop. Geez.